my caring love
my caring cave
my cave of care
my cave of love
my cave of love care and tenderness
looking over me when im asleep
so i would feel less alone
never really did
really
the cave filled my time
and i filled it with things
that im now about to rearrange
the book and the clothes have slowly been rearranged by themselves all the time
but like me
coming home again
now im thinking about ways to store it all
or should i let it go
i think about all the dust ive never thought of
suddenly there
so i can see the apartment through new eyes
not like i havent
for a while at least
first this heat
underlying
in the walls
in the dust heh
and after ive hung my laundry to dry and the whole apt feels like digging your face down in a bunch of half wet clothes
so there is no reason to stay inside
and although the idea of moving on has been in the back of my head and back of my shelves for quite a long time
i havent started seeing it until recently
how my stuff is temporary in a new way
like
books doesnt have this or that or another shelf
it maybe has a cardboard banana box that i still havent asked for at the store next door
like
i cant describe how my apt looks right now
bcs i dont know what it is
things in its normal place is now temporary
my habits are
the way i move around
i just want to shake it off
these fake habits
the fake surroundings of a countdown
i have to admit
it looks the same
its rather just me
who are not able to see it that way
right now and any more
but i could find a lot of things and my way through with my eyes closed
and i know that
because i often do
this summer
coming home late
to lazy to brush my teeth
but a snack
it sounds so nice
in the dark
works out
until the morning after
with contacts stuck to my eyes
and my eyes fixed on reflections
of my bumpy forehead
and the little tummy i believe has arrived since the night before
or last time i stood on the top of my toilet
trying to understand my body
in this weird perspective
and i let it make sense
but now im only looking forward to move on
to other mirrors
and other ways
through my days and a space
its only a fifteen minute walk away so i guess at least the sky will be the same
