waiting for a minute with my body
(picture yourself in a sunset)
(picture yourself in a sunset)
an appointment at the doctors
minute by minute
meeting someone i know
thank god my doctor wasnt even more delayed
i forget her fifteen minute delay as the perfect timing
of shouting my name
the minute small talk in the waiting room is about to happen
and i follow her steps through another small hallway
and she holds the door open for me with a cute gesture
or i like to think
and i put down my school bag and i take off all my clothes down to my panties while she is waiting
sitting in her office chair by her computer
or looking at me
or looking at something else
i dont know what im looking at even
maybe the explanations of body
hanging on the walls
different parts different frames maybe even different bodies
or do they expect us to all be the same
the painters
the doctors
the painters hired by the doctors
or the doctor company
their conversation
is it a lot of disagreement in the process of painting a heart?
red and blue and green blood vessels
like cords
a comparison i can only imagine many doctors have used before in manner to explain something to their patients
but male or female
or children or grown ups
who really need the details about their inner wires
will it really give us more information
more insight
or just a feeling of being connected to something on the outside
to exist in a human made system
everything is under control
we made this
you
the lungs the hearts the kidneys on the walls, are they all mine?
sometimes i can feel a sting in my tummy or something when i look at these pictures and realize its myself im looking at
then what is my doctor looking at
while preparing to look at me?
we talk about my body
as i look at these pictures and kind of forget
what im looking at
and that its me we are talking about
because yes
isnt it a little strange
just entering a room and talking about your body
and then feel calmer
despite the illustrations making me feel uncomfortable about my inside
leaving and paying and not seeing
the victim of your problems
or your health
or the one holding you up
until next time you meet
in the same room
same time of day
we discuss it every time
agreeing again and again
that its a good time
hour of day
at least i can feel prepared
my body in some sense of order
i dont know about her
she got her doctors outfit and her tiny golden earrings and her hours of day
they keep long lunches
it even says on the door to the receptionist
life feels comfortable around here
surprisingly, maybe
or how to deal with all these peoples problems
they suddenly seem so minor
but i glad i didnt get to small talk in the waiting room
surrounded by brochures about sexual diseases, sexual assaults, malaria and alzheimers and what not
and these people
suffering from that?
this and that
repeated symptoms
surrounded by coughs
i project suffering
yet normalizations
they dont seem sick
they maybe seem sorry
maybe i look sorry
mostly tired from all this waiting
and i have been thinking about it since last night
waiting for a minute with my body
